Searching For Me

27th May 2012

Post

Because I Can

I’m going to post a picture of myself. I think I like staring at pictures of my face for long periods of time. For what reason, I do not know.

Tagged: meweirdphotosrandom

26th May 2012

Post

My last appointment

Every time I go to see my doctor, he always has something to say about my weight. For example, my last appointment, he rhetorically asked if I had gained weight. Come on doc! The appointment before that he just looked at me and said, “You’re not the biggest”. Well thanks doc, I haven’t noticed. I mean I’m 5’7, 124 lbs. It’s hard to gain weight! I try to eat like a vacuum but it just doesn’t cut it. It’s like I have a black hole in my stomach and it just sucks everything up. If you want me to gain weight, tell me how to do so. If you want to tell me that I’m too thin, than say it directly please. I’m not an idiot. I’m insecure enough doc. I already feel like I’m too skinny, as if I lost a bunch of weight but I haven’t. I’ve been 124 since junior year in high school. Explain that doc.

Tagged: annoyedbodyinsecuregirlweightskinnythindoctormepersonalhigh schoolfrustratedfoodeatingrandomrant

25th May 2012

Post

Just A Memory

Yesterday was like any other day. But, a year ago, it was the darkest day I could remember. Losing my mom on May 24th, 2011 made me look at my life from a skewed perception. I felt like she was untouchable- no matter how weak her lungs became or how often she had to be taken to the hospital.

I carry around this guilt in my mind and my heart; blaming myself for her passing. There was so much I could have done to help her, given her more time. I play that day over and over in my head and there is one thing she told me that I’ll never forget: “I don’t want to die in this hospital”. The day after she was put on the respirator and there was nothing I could have done. The days in the hospital, waiting for her to come back to me were growing thinner and I tried not to lose faith, I really did. I wanted more than anything to believe my mom would wake up and see me again.

Now it’s just a memory, partially faded and forgotten. Of course I still remember but that’s all it will ever be. I still cry some days when I think about her. I even find it difficult to look at pictures of her, and when I do, I get upset all over again. At get mad at myself, at her, at everyone. It doesn’t make the pain go away.

As I said, yesterday was like any other day. But most importantly, it was the day a year ago that changed my life forever and I’ll never forget it.

Tagged: momi love youi miss you

24th May 2012

Question

Anonymous asked: I like your blog sooo... go to tumblrtasks(.)com and sign up. It tells you how to make $$$$ online by doing easy work. Best 10 bucks I ever spent.

Um. I’m not too sure about that. & I always feel like anonymous is Spam. Even though they are most likely a person. Does that make sense?